Misplaced Joy? Maybe Not!

I was coming off a long break. Coma of sorts; no life , just alive. A bad broken marriage, alcohol addiction, minor health breakdown, long and painful rehabilitation thereafter. Anyways, my bad days are behind me. I am a happy man again,  at least, trying to be. I wanted to escape out to a new place. So I applied at a few places, finally got selected for this job in this backward state small town.
This is the first time I have come to a place so remote. This town is fresh, well off and well equipped. My flat was next to my colleagues'. His wife was very welcoming. She served me breakfast and tea at her flat.
"Aye Ravan jee, suniye...... isko aap apna hi ghar samjhiyee......kuch bhi chahiye hoga, humko boliyegaa, samjhe gaye naa".
She was comforting, laughing along as if she had known me for ages. She was talkative, asked me a lot of questions.
" Aur parivar- mehraaru kab laa rahein hain". She asked. I smiled.
"Nahi hai". I replied
"Arre haan!! ye bataye the ki talaaq ho chuka hai". She said.
That was innocently rude.It got a bit uneasy. She looked sad as she said it. It looked genuine. I soon settled among them. Everyone around called her ''bhabhi". She was such a sweetheart, very nice and caring . I too started calling her "bhabhi". I was settling well in this new town, new life, new house.
Next morning, I left for office early, so couldn't have my breakfast. I punched my attendance, saw around the office, nobody was there. I went out to have my breakfast. A roadside tea stall was very close by. A boy, about 10,  was serving there. I sat there for a few minutes. He came to me.
"Kya loge sahab?"
"Dosa laa do". He went to the other customers. He looked playful, was agile, artificially well-mannered in asking customers. I observed him. He came back to serve me.
"Naam kya hai?". I asked
" Buddhhun".
"School jaate ho?"
"Haan, dopahar mein khaawe laa jaatein hain"
"Ghar mein aur kaun kaun hai?"
"Maa hai. Kuch kaam nahi karti. Deen bhar taari pikar par jaati hai"
"Aur pitaji?"
"Arre oo to nahi hai. khoob daaru pee liya tha uske baad dam chal gaya ghume laa.. wahiniye paneeye mein palat gayaa.". He laughed while saying the last words. It was funny to him. He went on to serve others.
I left the stall feeling hollow. I couldn't understand what it was. I had thought I would try to explain him the importance of going to school. I decided against, he wouldn't understand. Its unfair to expect him to understand, he doesn't know when he will get to eat next, will he even get to eat next,  maybe it was a crime to give him hope, a hope for a better life. Maybe he just didn't want a better life, his own was too good for him, laughing playing around. What sort of man laughs while telling perhaps the most tragic event of his life. Insensitive, insane, irresponsible. Too harsh , he was just a kid. His story was sad, he was poor, it made me feel sorry for him. But he wasn't asking for it, he wasn't using his sad life as an excuse. He was fighting it out.  I felt strange, I just couldn't decide what I felt for him.
As I walked back, I took a glance at him. He was busy, didnt seem to care. Maybe his was indeed a better life. He could laugh through his sorrows, if at all he felt them. I had made myself feel terrible over a broken marriage, which was bad anyway. When comparing his sufferings to mine, I just thought,  was I even suffering? Surely it wasn't worth it. I decided to be happy. For the kid, he was enjoying himself.  For myself, I had a life to live.



PS: This happens to be my 25th post. Took me 3 and a half years. Despite not being naturally gifted as a writer, I am glad I have continued for so long. Some of the best compliments I have received have been from unknown people ( mostly surprised at the disconnection between my age and content). One such is attached below (not the only one though, excuse me for self-patting).

I thank everyone, who has ever had patience to go through my scriblings. I value it. It feels nice. Cheers.

Impracticality of Perfection

When Mahatma Gandhi historically professed to offer the other cheek, I am quite sure he was posturing. No man, by nature, can be so graceful.( honestly, I hardly find any grace in this submission , but my awareness about the stature of the man is restricting me from being any harsher). His words have become textbook lessons, one of the most impractical suggestions ever made(subject of numerous jokes, and rightly so). When Siddharth Gautam renounced the world for greater good, we largely miss the fact that he had been very unfair to , infact betrayed, his wife and child, who were his responsibility. Sure enough,  the world would have managed without another religion.
   When 'learned' men preach, mostly they talk impractical nonsense. 'Love your enemies'. "Don't be tempted, this world is 'maaya'". Really, why blame maaya , an otherwise seductive name for a woman, for all the miseries of the world.( Imagine that daku-type baba on India TV preaching all this). Still it attracts people. Some of these talks attract more people than, say, a Metallica show in India would. Maybe its comes with age. (Still, so uncool). I mean, where is the fun in listening to an old gentlemen, talking about life and what not, in a partial gay-ish tone (I just recalled how Asharamji Bapu  speaks).
The very basic flaw in their preaching is that they teach perfection. Like,  "Forgive your enemies". These are obviously the correct things to do. Ideally this is how it should be. But we dont live in an ideal world. You expect such behavior  from, I dont know, may be Lord Ram, not from lowly humans. But then, even Ram doubted his wife's fidelity. Perfection is elusive. Men are designed to be faulty. God didn't create something that could later challenge their supremacy. Ego, perhaps got to them. Practicing what they teach , at various levels, asks to basically cut your natural instincts. Anger, for instance, is a very raw,  very  honest  expression. It doesn't have any pretence. It cant be curbed. At best, you can hide it. But why hide? It's like making someone who has hurt you feel happy( or not bad) , at your own expense. Its obviously a  more social things to do. But at times, when it's more important how you feel about yourself, than any long term gain, just let it loose.
      What I have advocated is an easier option. If indeed anyone is capable of doing better, that's the way to go. But there is no shame in having flaws. It was always meant to be that way. Perfection is boring. If ever everything right said was practical, there would be no wars, no progress. All desire for attaining perfection, starts from our uneasieness about ourselves, which , as I see, is the first imperfection.

 

Nothingness

'' I deserve better.''Ravan told himself. On beach, a bottle of breezer in hand, a beer bottle in store. The setup was perfect. He had come prepared. This was going to be a long evening. Alone. All to himself. Like he has always  been. He was sad. He was staring at the beautiful sunset. The sun was setting into the blooded ocean. Sun stabbed the ocean, while she was embracing him. Betrayal.
"Wow!!". Ravan thought. He wanted to see the depressing side of everything. He did fine with the ocean-sun thing. All he wanted to see was murderous humanity at its ugliest. It suited his mood. He saw few bikini-clad firangs. Damn. He turned around.
''Dont look!!! no!!! dont!! You are sad''. He convinced himself.
"Ok, just once''. He compromised. He glanced. And then, he was back to look for the darker side of everything.

Ravan was sad. He had to settle score with God. He had come to talk to God. This was his "Aaj Khush to Bahut Hoge Tum'' moment. Earlier, he left his home, his friends, his parents. (Not much money, he would HAVE to return back,3 hours later). Alone. He walked. He had imagined this before.
 "One day, I will be sad, and walk all the way. Walk, walk and walk. Till I reach the end of world". Fuck! Reality struck him. Forget end-of-the-world.
"This world is spherical." He tried to be logical. First time ever that he had managed to convince anyone. So what, if it was he,  himself.  Settle for the beach instead. Ok. Now what? He let his imagination run wild. Lightning struck him. Damn, he was going to be John Abraham( Jism). YES!! (fist pumping, and all). Firstly, he had to be alcohol-ed. Not much of a transition from asshol-ed, that he already was. This was going to be his first time. He bought a breezer and a beer.

The beach was beautiful. Crowded. He left his idea of being John. Another day. Some common sense, finally. He sat at some distance from the ocean. He was sad. Why?. He wondered. He hadn't flunked any exam. His girlfriend hadn't dumped him. Just sad. He thought for a while. Why was he sad. He had no answers.  Maybe a PMS analog for men. No, didn't seem like it.Fashion. He thought deeper. He understood. A day earlier,  a childhood friend of his, Megha, had put a facebook status-
"Sad.:(:(:(:(:(:(. Life sucks :(:(:(:(:(:(. ". Since then, only thing that seemed to matter to his immediate universe was Megha's sadness. She was pretty. Very pretty. Prettier than his girlfriend. Guys commented. "Awwwww... no dear, life is so beautiful,  just look within to see the beauty of life ". This comment was the benchmark. This had to be beaten. Afterall, she had liked it back. So what, if it didn't make sense. It sounded good. Another comment came in.

"No megha, promise me ur not sad... NO, please, u cannot be sad. Please, for me...smile once."

 "WHYyyyyyyyyyyy???? What happened?? Oh God! I wish I was there take u from the grave of sadness to the bliss of happiness". Another gem of emotional outburst came in, after cross checking from thesaurus. Ridhima, a classmate of her commented."drama, nataunki".

Ravan saw the funnier side of it. He also updated "Sad. Life Sucks". (minus the smileys, to sound a man). No one commented. Finally Megha commented.
"Why dear, dont be sad :)". He wanted to be honest to her. Since then, he had actually tried to be sad. He realised. He wasn't sad. Just foolish. Breezer and beer had brought sanity back. He looked around. The bikini firangs were still there. He stared. The sun was just about to completely sink. It looked beautiful. He tried to see a meaning to it. There's wasn't any. There needn't be any. Somethings just have a nothingness about them. Accept it. Move on. He walked back, humming "Awarapan Banjaarapan".

PS: These are the first lines of the book that I intend to complete at some point of time in my life, hopefully over the next 2 years.

The Unconquered Lady Luck

In an interview I saw some time back, Abhinav Bindra on being asked about his gifted talent, said that talent is  highly over-rated. Shooting is 99% luck. He won an Olympic gold. It couldn't have been this simple.Good shooters must be able to control breath, the millisecond instability in breath intake can lead to a misfire. There must be many other issues, which he must have trained hard to perfect. Yet he says it's luck. May be he was playing to the media, just trying to be over-modest. The 99% figure is debatable but I have always been a believer that luck is the single biggest factor in success, more so in failure.

We often see B-school theories on success coming up. But there can never be a completely correct theory on success. For the simple reason that success is relative. Any theoretical formula for success would include hard work, self-confidence , patience, and few more qualities that is easy to describe on paper but hard to achieve in practice.  Luck is often ignored, at best included as an unknown factor. For success, it's best to back your best qualities. People can rely on their hard work, confidence, any other personal quality, but luck? I am not sure how do describe it. I myself do it so often. It takes tremendous amount of courage and preparedness for the worst. Ok, maybe I am over glorifying it. May be it's an escapist approach. It probably, takes an enormous brain folly, intellectual breakdown, vaporization of all senses, common uncommon,  to bank on luck, when the stakes are high. Anyone who comes up to me and tell me he would be able to do-this-do-that because , of all things , his luck would favour him, wouldn't earn my respect for sure. At best I'd consider him a fool only, yet to learn the realities of life.(the Hindi superlatives of fool would be so apt, otherwise). Luck is a mistress, might give the sweetest experience, but you can never own her, never rely on her.

Luck hardly finds testimonials by successful. When it comes to failure, luck is the prime culprit. Human tendency is to take the credit for success, but blame others for failure. Luck is an easy scapegoat. Its easy to blame luck. This hypocrisy has a reason. Even the best preparation may not warrant the best performance. Luck can always play the spoilsport. Even the best prepared is not sure of success. Perhaps the inherent 'fear of the unknown' within us is an acknowledegment of importance of luck. A good luck downsizes hard work requirement. No matter how much pride we take in working hard, an easy success is always sweeter. Luck does that. All of us are superstitious to some level, so that so that we can have that little extra from our luck. The sad part, about all this,  no matter however hard we may try, we cannot make our luck. Maybe, its God's style of making us realize beyond all reason and development of our limitations as humans.Something we keep forgetting.

 "Luck never gives; it only lends." ~Anonymous

Of 'Sluts' and their Walk

Some time back I came to know about Slutwalk. It was trending on twitter. I remember that was the day of Slutwalk London. Slutwalk is a rally that originated in Canada after a police officer commented that , "women should avoid dressing like sluts" to avoid being victimized. (click-wiki article) Hence the term 'slut'walk. It is scheduled to happen in Delhi sometime soon(25th july, tentatively). In west, it generally consists of young women scantily dressed to convey their rebellion. (God! this is their idea of making a hard-impact statement). If  that happens in Delhi, all you can imagine is a rally of 200 DU girls followed by 5000 lechers. Sensing that, the organisers have indianized the rally. Also it's being called Besharmi morcha to have a local feel. (click-Slutwalk Delhi). So far so good.

Nobody denies that women have been suppressed in our society and that is largely beyond their control. Another way to say that is men are basically 3rd class animals having no respect for rights of others(that includes women, naagin (jehrili ones), etc), fit only to be slaves, but due to historical blunders in the process of evolution, occupy a superior position. That is such a disgrace for human race. Maybe not that bad, but yeah, to a large extent it is because of the men that women have to go through their worst experiences. Crimes against women are committed everyday, it is such a shame, nobody denies that.


Whenever there's a debate on gender equality, emotions take over logic. So, to set things straight, the instances made henceforth refers only to 'empowered' women, who get equal treatment as their brothers from their parents, well educated, in totality have equal or better qualities as their men colleagues. As for the other  not-so-lucky women, mostly in villages, we would like to say we understand your sufferings, keep fighting back, we support you.


Now that I am done with the disclaimer part I'll come to the point. Gender equality must be demanded consistently, not selectively when it benefits you.When the issue is to reserve seats in Parliament, then it's all good. But If a review of anti-dowry laws is asked, it is seen as a step to curb women rights.  Most law experts would tell you that it's the most misused law in India. Reason: it largely works on the principle of  'guilty until proven innocent' as opposed to the other laws in India. Even Kasab was 'innocent until proven guilty'. I will restrict to these two instances. The larger point is made.

There was an incidence in Mangalore some time back, where some women were beaten in a pub. It became a national issue, and rightly so. But I was rather amused by the reaction to that. There was a proposed 'pub-bharo' movement, and suggestion that it was an attack against women empowerment( going to pub empowers women!). Some discussions implied that modern women dressed in a certain way( that way, Rakhi Sawant also qualifies as modern). Of course modern or not, a women has a right to wear what they want. But how does wearing a certain way make one modern? This way, basically women, like men,themself describe themselves more by what they wear , and not how they reason, think . And also, you get a feeling( in their argument) that they are competing with men at all times. In any case, if the parliamentary reservation bill ever gets passed, it would because of the 80% male MPs. Politically incorrect to say, but thats a fact.One area where you cannot deny them credit is there innovation in protesting. PETA photoshoots to protest 'cruelty against animals' are legendary. Slutwalk, a rally of scantily clad women, what better way to attract attention and make the world 'aware'.


Expecting a dominant species to give up their position for the larger good of society is a bit far-fledged. Humans won their right to be rulers through their skills. Men must have done the same way, when the competition narrowed down to 2. Mistakes were committed. Blaming the winner can be a consolation, never a solution. And if walks could reverse historical blunders, be rest assured, it's going to be a long walk. Very long.

MSD:The New Icon

A few of my myths busted over past few days. Here are my realizations.

1. If you vacate a seat for a lady on a bus, don't expect her to return back the favour.

2. So what petrol is very expensive now, there are still people who would travel back and forth a kilometer to lift 3 people because he couldn't carry all 5( all unknown to the rider) on his 2-wheeler in the first place.#Goans rock.

3. Even if it is only his luck, so be it. Mahendra Singh Dhoni is (almost) invincible.

We, as fans of Indian Cricket, are so used to worshiping Sachin as our icon. I often wonder what will happen after he retires. The fanatic following cricket has in India, it has to have an icon. MSD is all ready to fill the gap when the time comes. He is all set to be the new icon.

For me, the most defining moment of MSD on field was the presentation ceremony of T20 World Cup final. When asked about why he gave the last over to Joginder Sharma, he replied. Harbhajan didnt want to bowl the last over. So he gave the over to someone who didnt have a reputation to save and wanted to make a mark at the international level. That is as honest as you can get. Just imagine. Losing to Pakistan in a world cup final by giving the last over to a newbie. The greatest cricketing sin one could commit. Chetan Sharma never got to bowl again for India after conceding a last ball six to Javed Miandad. Indian fans have matured over the years. Yet Dhoni might have never captained India again.

 His cricketing exploits are at par with any Indian cricketer. Avg of 50 at an strike rate of over 90 is class stuff. Yet his acceptance as a batsman is low. He is definitely effective, hardly elegant. That's very much expected. He learnt his cricket in gullies of Ranchi, amidst his mediocre colleagues in Jharkhand Ranji team.

I have always been in a dilemma. Whether to like him or not. A lot of people actually dislike him. News report about him surpassing Sachin in advertisement earnings fuel the disgust. I believe it's only the insecurity of Sachin' s fans. Dhoni rise as a challenge to Sachin is a bit far fledged. It's high time we stop considering any competition to Sachin and celebrate Dhoni as our new icon.

As a captain, he is almost perfect. Yet to lose a test series. 2 World Cup victories. 2 IPL victories. His predecessors  were the 3 greatest Indian batsman. 2 turned out be less than average captains. Sachin sucks as a captain. He makes commonsensical blunders while captaining. Dhoni has been an underdog. A small town guy who made it big. His is a sensational success story. His humility and straight forwardness is charming. His luck magical. He doesn't carry the arrogance and politics(alleged) like Ganguly, nor does he have the plastic perfection and boring political correctness like Dravid. His imperfection makes him someone people identify with. He seems one amongst us. One we can successfully emulate.

Handing the captaincy to Ganguly in his final moments as an Indian cricketer and asking Kumble to  jointly lift the trophy were memorable gestures. Him parading the entire team in front of the media( T20 World Cup, 2009) was silly yet dramatic. (He takes the media way too seriously). His naughty chirps from behind the wicket ( "Bell ki ghanti baja") are youthfully undiplomatic. He may not be perfect like Sachin. Attaining Sachin like perfection( not just his game, his overall persona) is beyond the scope of human effort. Dhoni appears more realistic. Our brand new icon.

The Real Superhumans

I was a huge fan of Shaktimaan. I hardly missed any episode.. He was superhuman. His mode of transport was a tornado. He was our saviour against 'Tamraj Kilwish'. He could bring Geeta Biswas back from death. He could do anything. ( For those, who now find it embarrassing to admit that they once likedsomething as crappy as Shaktimaan, replace Shaktimaan with Batman, Geeta Biswas with Katie Holmes,or better Monica Belluchi ( don' t try to find a connection, c'mon, the idea is just to feel better)).



Alas! He wasn't for real.


A friend of mine shared an amazing video with me today. It's about Indrajit, son of a farmer who fought all odds to become an IAS officer. He is from Jharkhand.( I sense raised eyebrows, relax, this post is not about Jharkhand). We live in a nation where the majority population is underprivileged. Our newspapers are occupied with news of cobbler's son getting into IIT, farmer's daughter making it to IAS ( hypothetical cases, just for gender equality), TTE breaking into Indian cricket team, going on to become a world cup winning captain. The present superhero of our nation is a small-time Marathi poet's son.( damn, Sachin again, we can somehow relate everything to him. We love flaunting him to establish our superiority, we love showing him off. So Indianish). They, too are superhuman.

And yes,, they are for real.


It's thrilling to see people like Indrajit. (Watch the video, its so inspiring). It's not just a rags to riches story. It's about a fighting spirit, that is so inherent in our country. It's so easy to give up. It's about a superhuman effort. About a will to change destiny, realising a dream. Our nation is so surplus of these people. Our much criticized examination system must be credited for it. It might be having several faults. Often, criminalized for increasing pressure on student( I find this an imported argument, underprivileged kids in Indian villages aren't as Chicken hearted, like in some more developed countries, they face something worse than exams everyday in life), but at-least it provides an even ground in terms of evaluation.


While these superhumans may not be as celebrated as Shaktimaan or Batman (Monica Belluchi still lingering), they aren't any less inspiring. While Shaktimaan and Batman only entertain us, they teach us how to live with our heads held high. Will end now, feeling good about myself on writing this post, with an old cliché, "Where there is a will there is a way".

                                                    Indrajit On IBNLive